Almost Live Volume 3: Stop Making Cents (Playing catch up part 6)

Here we are, finally all caught up! As with the other two volumes this is a practice session for a live set we played, so there's not too much that can be said about it. There are new versions of several tracks originally from our album Hash Not Hash, https://thebrownchristmas.bandcamp.com/album/hash-not-hash

The one unique thing with this volume is that it opens with some actually live, and completely new recordings. We were setting up to play the show and were just planning to do a quick sound check. Well that sound check started sounding so good that we just kept going, next thing you know we have almost 15 minutes of new music. The soundcheck was not recorded on video, but the main performance can be seen here.
https://youtu.be/IyptQVJUYgA

Kings of Slop (Playing catch up part 2)

We here at The Brown Christmas pride ourselves on our sloppiness. It is only when you embrace the essence of slop, and reach deep into the viscous bubbling depths that you can find unexpected mixtures of accidental beauty. This album was recorded at the very beginning of January 2018, after not jamming for over a month we were fully ready to get sloppy again.

This isn't your average 'slop flavored fluid substitute,' this is quality pure distilled slop. Every minute of this album oozes thick, dense, textured, slop. Each track takes its time, slowly spreading and changing its texture, while also remaining concise and not overstaying its welcome. Most of the album keeps a fairly leisurely pace, allowing simple melodies to slowly reveal themselves over shifting ambiences, shining for a moment, then disappearing back into the sloppy ether. "Luck People" is a prime example of this; jovial arpeggios and Al Santillo loops provide a thin surface for mallet textures to knock on, eventually shattering the surface and dissolving.

The tempo picks up briefly as the monolithic "No Body Knows..." comes to an end and bursts into the frantic "Martini Rodeo." This is an all out assault of drums, synths, and guitar feedback; eventually falling apart, and leaving only a wiggly bass line. My favorite part of this album however, comes when the soothing lullaby of "Magic Mattress Bliss" shifts into the uneasy fever dream drones of "Starsand Hourglass." A heavy bellowing kick persuades the listener along a winding and unstable path of echoing bells, warbling ghostly howls, uneven synth pulses, and glistening rain textures.

The final track "Cyborg Vacuero" brings the tempo back to a frantic pace, closing the album with chugging guitar riffs and a squealing synth solo. This album demands several replays and deep listening; for just 30 minutes there's a vast variety of sound happening. At the time of it's release in June, Kings of Slop would have been my pick for our top album of the year. It has since been replaced by a different album, but is still a great listen. Check it out, taste the slop.

Walter Westinghouse (Playing catch up part 1)

I have fallen quite behind on these album write ups, but I suppose that's what happens when releasing new alums monthly, while also working on other projects, working a day job, and moving. So now let's see if I can get caught up.

With the recent passing of Hardy Fox from The Residents, it seems fitting to be starting with our  "Walter Westinghouse' cover album. The Residents have always been a favorite band of ours, they're probably the reason we started playing music together in the first place. So we jumped at a chance to be a part of their "I am A Resident" compilation contest.

We wanted to choose a song that was more of a deep cut, rather than going for something well known like 'Hello Skinny.' Walter Westinghouse was the perfect choice since the original is fairly long with a very simple skeleton that we were able to jam out on. The back and forth dialog of the original also gave both Joemazing and myself a chance to do funny voices.

As with most instances where we've tried to do something deliberate and constricted to a theme or time limit, it spiraled out of our control and out of bounds of the set parameters. What was suppose to be a recording session for one song quickly turned into a +30 minute jam session. Unfortunately we did not make the cut to the compilation album, so we took our submission and the additional jams and turned them into this short EP.

Hash Not Hash

This recording session comes after a five month unintentional break, but I often find the best way to improve is by not practicing. All our creative energy gets backed up, until the floodgates are finally opened and then the desire is to make up for lost time. Hash Not Hash is a clear example of this, being a huge leap forward from Tropical Fruits, and covering fresh sonic ground.

The album starts with the sullen, down tempo ballad "Blue City Rain Storm." This track's mixture of synthpop-esque melodies and harsh textures of noise exemplify a new direction our sound has been branching into lately. While not entirely new (we've certainly done catchy pretty sounding stuff with noisy elements previously) this is a juxtaposition that we've been delving into more deeply.

You can hear something similar on display in the track "Sleep Paralysis;" which concludes a mostly continuous, dream themed section of the album. Instead of synthpop elements we have a very delicate ambient soundscape drifting on an deep abrasive undercurrent. This combination is perfection to my ears, and definitely my top track for this release. A close second would be the closing track, which is an extremely cinematic interpretation of our classic "Cataract Jack."

For those with a discerning ear for synthesizers you'll also notice some textures previously unheard for The Brown Christmas. This was around the time I started acquiring some vintage digital synthesizers. This album marks the introduction of the Korg Wavestation and the Casio CZ101 to my set up.

Three things

Here we go, catching up on the most recent three releases. I'm going to talk about them out of order since two of our recent albums have a very similar premise. I'll start with Tropical Fruits of All Kinds, released this past February; it's The Brown Christmas' taste sensation sweeping the nation and causing constipation. I believe this was one of those times Joe and I met with the intention of rehearsing for a live performance, only to end up recording completely new stuff instead.

Often times before I even have everything set correctly to record Joe plugs in and starts pumping out synth melodies. I'm certainly not going to leave a good melody hanging, so I quickly get the recording going and start jamming along. Before long an hour has passed and we have a fresh fruit bowl of new material.

When I listen to these recordings it conjures up images of late night adventures, wondering around quiet streets under lamp lights, and being convinced there's something magical or nefarious lurking just out of sight in the shadows. Highlights of this album include the whimsically upbeat "Out Drinking with a Friendly Moth" and the blissfully cosmic, "Asleep in the Stars" The former sweeps merrily up and down, riding a sultry evening breeze in search of sources of light. While the latter is a more stationary, sedated trip within and beyond punctuated by a deep sweeping bass drone.



The albums for January and March are both practice session of live sets. These are composed of new versions of previously released material. Volume one draws tracks from New Jersey Sound Machine and Go Ahead ...Call the Cops, as well as a new version of 'Nobody Knows what it's like to Eat My Dick Tonight." All this practicing and preparation and I somehow forgot to record the actual live performance. This is the next best thing to live.


Volume two is a large chunk from the album How to Make an Egg Cream. There are two takes included on this album, the first is Joe simply winging it and me messing a few things up. The second take is closer to what our actual performance end up sounding like. This time I remember to record it. It can be viewed here. www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3KHFw_VeV0

Both of the takes had their interesting aspects and since the only songs we have multiple versions of are "Nobody knows..." and "Cataract Jack" I figured I might as well include both versions of everything.

Haulin' Oats

Whether you're a Quaker or a baker, if you've got oats you need hauled The Brown Christmas can get it done in no time flat. Around the holidays more than ever we get tons of oats that need hauling; and if you're speeding across state lines with a truck load of legally questionable oats, you need some good cruising tunes.

As with our previous album, guitar is featured prominently on Haulin' Oats. The opening track begins with Joemazing chugging away, before messing around with his guitar's faulty wiring to make it scream like a hawk. The synths and drums create a slow moving, lightly textured framework for Jomazing guitar to gradually melt over top. This destruction continues on "Mass of Choronzon," as I play some dramatic string samples and Joemazing screams and distorts things into an unrecognizable mess of feedback.

The tempo takes a more upbeat turn as a circus melody emerges from the ashes of the previous track. A deep bellowing synth line bounces us along drunkenly before building to a growling drone, as silly melodies dance around. The ferris wheel is rusted, the bumper cars are short circuiting, and the carnival barker is in a radiation induced rage.

Overall this album has an aggressive, lo-fi, abrasiveness that is best exemplified with my favorite track, "Missa pro Defunctis." This melancholic march sounds like it was ripped from a withered VHS tape; a simple but effective melody punctuated by drums, is made all the more epic when complimented by the thick analog drone that emerges about halfway through the song.

The closing track is another high point, and possibly the best version of "Nobody Knows what it's like..." we've recorded to date. We take turns belting out the lyrics as over the top as possible, and I do my best emulation of the drums from "In the Air Tonight."

That's about all I have time for, these oats aren't going to haul themselves! We've got deadlines to meet, and the oat hauling business is very competitive. This album is a great example of our grittier, lo-fi, noise sound. Give it a listen.

Books Suck

Books suck, plain and simple! You can't listen too a book (unless it's an audiobook, but that's just a book pretending it's a recording) they don't fit in tape decks and they're the wrong shape for record players or CD players. Music came first, music rules, books are just a bad sequel.

This album is the perfect example of the inferiority of books; there is no possible way for books to capture the essence of these songs. The driving kick on the first track calls the listener to adventure, an arpeggiated bass line adds a sense of urgency, and Joemazing's drones and melodies add an element of uncertainty and danger.

Things get a little hectic, but there is an opportunity to relax within the cosmic swirling synth tones of the second track. The stars are not entirely welcoming however, and the listener must avoid their supernova bursts. This moment of rest is short lived and the kick drums soon become jittery from all the delicious juice.

Joemazing's guitar work takes center stage, while I stack synth textures and feedback noise on our 10 minute post-rock opus "The Asteroid is Here." If you thought The Brown Christmas couldn't rock sick riffs and kick ass drums, this track will prove you wrong. This leads into our hard rocking closing track; "Sludge Cruiser." Who needs a distortion pedal when you can just crank your mixer up way to hot?

This album is the first release in a long while that hasn't been a single day jam session, and it takes us almost into the present year. There is one more album that was recorded in 2016 that's set to be released, but it's a christmas album so we had to release it out of order. The last 2 tracks of Books Suck are from November 2016; part of our Christmas album jam session. Since there's really nothing Christmasy about them, it was decided they would need to be a separate release. They were too short to be put out as their own album, but luckily we had another short jam session from January 2017 of almost the same length. These tracks were from a brief warm up jam before a very different upcoming secret project.

...But why are you hear reading this? It's so long it's almost a book, and books suck!

Listen to our album.

Chair Club for Men

Enjoy the most luxurious sitting experience of your life! The Brown Christmas is proud to introduce our latest business endeavor; the Chair Club for Men. We provide only the finest chairs in a wide variety of styles, both modern and classical. All of our applicants are screened very strictly, so you will be guaranteed an environment of only fellow chair enthusiasts.

While you're having a relaxing sit in one of our award winning chairs you can listen to our newest album. You'll find that one technique we often employ when recording is to take a simple theme or melody and turn it into an epic wall of textures. We open the album in this manner, with the gradual swelling of "Edge of the Void" which blooms into the monolithic second track "The Colossi of Memnon." The track ascends with the massiveness of an ancient giant emerging from it's slumber in the sand. Deep bellows from Joemazing's synth are punctuated with a more pizzicato string-like swirling melody. Crashing drum samples propel the song forward in a lurching motion as the otamatone breaks through with a screech of victory.

You'll find this same technique again on "The Serpent Swallows," which begins with a pensive drone and driving drum machine pattern, before building tension with increasing layers of atonal drones and seesaw arpeggios. The heavy breathing of Joemazing's synth adds to the anxiety as I dance around with a playful yet eerie melody.

On the track "Rain Dance Brings New Life" we have a slightly different style of building intensity. This time we work more with percussive textures, stacking them haphazardly on top of one another generating a chaotic down pour. These slowly change and disperse, opening up space for playful bird-like melodies. These simplistic chirps soothe the listener into the enigmatic final song "Puzzle in the Dark."

After this we get a short reminder from Joemazing about the importance of proper chair maintenance for both quality sitting and quality tone. So send in your applications today, we have a limited amount of openings for this most exclusive club.

Stogie Fest

Vape enthusiasts need not apply, it's Stogie Fest 2017!!! In addition to improvising music, we also have a tendency to improvise dialog. This is usually limited to a few remarks at the end of a track, but occasionally we'll do slightly longer 'skits'. Aside from Brown 'til Dawn all our recent releases have hardly any talking segments, but I felt as if Joemazing and myself had some entertaining exchanges that deserved to be included.

Let's not forget however, that there is also music on this album! It seems we stayed pretty consistently laid back and upbeat with these songs. Our usual detours into abrasive clusters of synth noise are absent, and while we do get spacey we never quite get spooky. Things get a little dark on "Cold Ghost Wanderer" and our cover of ZZ Top's "Tush," but for the most part we keep things chill and silly.

What else would you expect to hear while attending Stogie Fest? The audience demands mellow tunes for relaxing under clouds of acrid tobacco smoke. Wether it's "Sunset Hay Ride's" uplifting, melodic build up; "Picnic by Comet Light" with it's cosmic ambience over inquisitive arpeggiated bass; or "Swimmer in the Night Sky's" driving, forward flowing rhythm, this is the ideal album for wrapping up the end of summer.

Besides the afore mentioned "Tush" we also cover the Primus song "Mr. Krinkle," and do another cover of Funkadelic's "Maggot Brain." You can also hear new versions of our own songs including; "Love Young Brown" and possibly my favorite version to date of "Cataract Jack."

So light up your stogies, catch a screening of Wall Blart, and get one more relaxing weekend in before your brick arrives for Wall Day.

Honey I Crunk'd the Kids

Presenting part 3 of The Brown Christmas' crunk TRILLogy; Honey I Crunk'd the Kids! Recorded in May of 2016, this is the only recent album to include all three members of The Brown Christmas. The excitement of this reunion comes through in the grandiose variety of sounds layered on this album.

Our sonic territory ranges from eerie ambience on tracks like "The Chemist's Ergot Wine" and "The Mother Sphere Rises"; the manic insanity of "Folie à Trois" and "Daily Exercise Regimen"; to the unmitigated abrasiveness of "Shark Toothed Horn." Where I think our progression as a band really shines through however, is on tracks like "Murmuration Amongst the Clouds," "There's a Home for Me Somewhere," and "Ravages of Time." It is on tracks like these where we direct our sounds into more harmonious, concise, synth-pop-esque directions while still remaining completely improvisational that truly show our growth and exploration of new terrains.

Everyone was operating at 110% when recording this session, there were no lulls in the music or confused meandering in our improvisation. Everything has it's place and nothing is lost in the mix, a real feat considering there were five synths, a drum machine, a sampler, as well as various pedals being operated by three people at any given time.

A few more highlights from this album include our noisy rendition of Funkadelic's "Maggot Brain" on which Todd's synth sound like 1940's news radio static, and "Joemazing's House of Pain," which is sure to be the party anthem of the summer. The album closes with a craig's list track, "Load Ranger." Normally I would save this for another volume of Dicks Pics, but I don't when that might happen and it seemed like the perfect closer for a rock solid album.

I would also like to mention that the cover art was again done by Michael Burke, who continues to create extraordinary visual compliments for our sounds.

Xanax Madam

Here's something short and sweet; Xanax Madam. This was from a practice session where we were supposed to be figuring out what we would be playing for a live set. It's hard to get down to business right away, so we figured we'd do a short improvisation to loosen up and get things flowing. I think we may have even had a set list planned, but we liked what we came up with on the spot better.

The album starts with our rather grim and droney interpretation of Sun Ra's "Rocket Number 9" (which we didn't play live) before shifting into the anxiety-ridden "Unique Panique." This track and "Nuclear Winter Solstice" were actually tightened to one song for the live performance, but now that there's no time restriction, I've allowed them the time necessary to breathe and evolved more gradually.

We wrap things up with two tracks which originally appeared on the album; Big Bad Bill Weinstein's Big Beautiful Women Barbecue BYOB (Dicks Pics Volume 5), which you can check out HERE!
Joemazing's crooning is far more aggressive on this rendition of "Love Young Brown" and we managed not to burst into laughter while playing this time.

It is also worth noting that this is our last jam session from 2015. We are on the final stretch of unreleased recordings, and everything coming out over the next several months will only be about a year old.

Go Ahead Call the Cops

I usually try to write a little bit about each album when I release it; this time I was a little lazy/a little busy and didn't get a chance to sit down and type something up until now. I also occasionally find it hard to write anything of interest about certain albums. Sometimes there are no funny anecdotes from the date of recording, no particular concept in mind for the album, sometimes the album is just really good, and there are only so many ways I can say an album is good.

 ...and this is indeed a good one.

This album definitely takes the crown from Dick Hz as our most aggressively noisy release to date. A large factor in this I believe is Joemazing's extensive pallet of synth and percussion sounds on Go Ahead Call the Cops vs his almost exclusive use of guitar on Dick Hz. While not necessarily abrasive the full way through, there are some softer and more melodic tracks that mix things up, when it does get hard it gets rock hard and sonically dense. The version of "Nobody Knows..." on this album is also one of my favorites, ending the album with a definitive slam like the closing of a book.

So there's not much more I can say about Go Ahead Call the Cops, except that you should give it a solid listen. It marks our 12th consecutive monthly release and we have many more to go before we're fully caught up, but I think this is a fitting mile marker for essentially a years worth of music.

Music for Short Fat People

As I clear out the hours of recordings from recent years and release them into the world, I began to think it was about time I got around to uploading our older albums as well. Here is the one that started it all; Music for Short Fat People. Composed of recordings from January to October 2005 this was our statement to the world. While it was silly, sloppy, and in retrospect maybe not be the most pleasing thing to the ear, we were quite proud of it at the time.

It's interesting to take a look back on something we released almost 12 years ago and listen to how much we've advanced. I had not listened to these recordings in years and I was quite surprised to find they're much more listenable than I anticipated. They're not what one might called "good," but I was expecting 7 minute tracks of nothing but a casio drum loop, clashing random keyboard notes, and piercing saxophone squeals. Instead the tracks average about 3 minutes long and most of this probably qualifies as music.

I also forgot that we used to try to 'write' songs. What I mean by this is we would write lyrics and then randomly start singing them during an improvised jam session; if things seemed to fit we'd practice it once or twice over the next few jams, and then call it a finished product.

My stroll down memory lane continued as I skimmed through our earliest jam sessions looking for gems that didn't make it to the album. It quickly became apparent that we truly allowed our selves the freedom to be complete lunatics. A fair amount was pretty musical, but there was a lot of literal knuckle dragging on keyboards, slurred stream of consciousness rambling, and maniacal screaming. Any normal person listening to us would have been quite justified in being concerned that we might need to be taken to the hospital.

The result of all this digging is just under 40 minutes of bonus material which is available when you download this album. These bonus tracks capture this insanity in chunks small enough not to overstay their welcome. A few of the more coherent songs in this collection are in my opinion, better than some of the stuff on the actual album. I'm unsure why they didn't make the cut originally.

While it may be clear that we had no idea how to play music (you could argue that we still don't) there's definitely something to the primal nature of it all. We were very much like cavemen discovering music for the first time. There were no arbitrary 'rules' of music to adhere to, it was all trial and error. One day three friends got together with a bass, saxophone, and some toy keyboards and thought; "This is the perfect recipe for starting a band." I think there's something charming about that.

-Michael


When we were recording this album, I would grow paranoid and destroy anything I wrote or played out of fear of being thrown in some kind of institutional setting. I am forever grateful Music for Short Fat People, for better or worse, stood the test of time. It proves that, this whole time, I was right in my actions of erasing any thoughts I had between 2005-2009. Including, but not limited to, that hilarious last will and testament I scribbled on a Quik Check catering menu.

-Joemazing


This album is not meant for people who are not both short and fat. If you are not short and fat, please proceed to turn off your audio equipment and leave the premises.

-Todd

New Jersey Sound Machine

There are a few of our albums that really standout for one reason or another, this is one of those. We are very much at the top of our game on these recordings and I would now consider this to be the best thing we've released so far.

This album covers a multitude of musical territories, but over all I would say there's a definite psychedelic feel to the tracks. The first song Self Born Cosmic Egg, opens the album feeling very spacey and mystical, before we intentionally or unintentionally, summon dark entities and split a hole between worlds (see tracks Dweller of the Abyss and Broken Seal of the Inter-dimensional Wall).

Have noo fear however, we here at The Brown Christmas are skilled in all kinds of occult mysticism. There's no need to shield your chakras or break out your quartz crystals, everything is well within our control. We'll guide you back safely and finish the journey with some dumb lo-fi rock.

Dick Hz

Coming in just under the wire, but still technically a January release, I present Dick Hz. We start off the new year with a very boisterous album, rough around the edges with janky guitar tearing right through the center. To me this album has a very cathartic feel to it. I don't know if it comes through in the music but this was our last jam before I moved to Philadelphia and started a new job, nerves were high and a good dose of vitamin Brown was just what I needed.

Unique to this album is the fact that there's very little of Joemazing's trusty Roland D50 synth, it only occasionally makes subtle droning appearances, instead guitar takes center stage. Through sheer accident we discovered that a clipping mixer is the perfect substitute for a distortion pedal. Say what you will about your fancy $3000 guitars and their tone, they'll never have the same qualities of a beat up thrift guitar with a built in speaker.

One of my personal favorite tracks is "Journey to the Ocean Floor." Maybe it's because it's one of the few songs where the D50 makes an appearance, or maybe because I'm particularly proud of my synthy soundscaping on this one, either way it's a track with a lot of interesting textures. It's one of the more ambient tracks, but it gradually gains abrasiveness from Joemazing's nasally guitar echoes.

Also of note is the track "Compromised Structural Integrity." There's not too much to say about this one, other than it's a good example of us just saying "fuck it" and going nuts. I think we could probably both feel the jam session was wrapping up and decided to give it one last hurrah.

Discrete Santa

Warm up those chestnuts, slurp down a frothy glass of nog, and get the christmas spirit deep inside you; it's Christmas on Craigslist again!

It's a bit of a Christmas miracle that this album exists at all; we recorded these tracks back in December 2014 with the intention of releasing the album the following year. Foolishly I didn't back the files up, and the hard drive they were on became corrupted. It seemed as if this jam session was lost to the computer gods. However after some research into data recovery I discovered that the files were just trapped in purgatory. Then it was just a matter of having the time and money to recover everything.

I was thrilled when everything was fully recovered and I had an opportunity to listen to what we had recorded for the first time in 2 years. There are some really solid Craigslist classics on here like "Mistress for Christmas" and "16 Days of Christmas", not to mention some non-craigslist originals like "Hey Who Put these Chestnuts Here?" and "Santa Doesn't want to go to Work Today."

These are sure to become your new favorite carols to sing. Maybe you'll even hear a track played on Jon Solomon's 25hr Christmas Marathon on WPRB this year.

Enjoy Your Christmas and remember to be discrete!

Christmas Retrospective part 3

Our most recent Christmas album came out 2 years ago and was a double mini album, if that makes sense. The first disc contained new christmas recordings from 2013, a couple of these tracks were new craigslist Christmas songs, and the rest were our rendition of christmas classics. Unofficially this is Dicks Pics volume 3 1/2.

The second disc was something rare indeed; The Brown Christmas rehearsing. These recordings were from 2012 in preparation for a noise fest we were playing. Basically these were our favorite, and most easy to recreate, songs from A Craigslist Christmas. One of my personally favorite moments from this disc is the addition of a brief break down in "Got No Girl" were Joemazing pounds out a maniacal rendition of "The Little Drummer Boy."

The spirit of christmas was alive and well in our bowels and with a little time, construction paper, glue, glitter, wrapping paper, and anything lying around on the floor, we created custom stocking packaging for each set of discs. We still have some available for sale, although if you purchase one you won't get it by christmas because preoccupied with various other christmas duties.

Night Skyline

Start the new year off with a new track from The Brown Christmas. As previously mentioned this album will be significantly different from our previous releases, not that our albums are all that uniform to begin with, but with this recording session we explore the softer, more ambient side of The Brown Christmas. It is also noteworthy that this is the first album to feature only myself and Todd; normally our albums consist of trios of Todd, Joemazing, and myself or duos between Joemazing and I. So sit back and listen as we duel it out with our synthesizers.

Unfamiliar Voices

A track from an upcoming album. This will be quite an interesting album as it shows off our more ambient side with lovely spacey synths.

Get Cucked

I've been a bit slow on getting physical copies of albums made, but here at long last is Dicks Pics Volume 4: Golden Cuckoldies available on limited edition CDr in a DIY cardstock sleeve. All lyrics are from craigslist casual encounter posts. 

Do you want you cock sucked now? ...well so do a lot of people on craigslist apparently. 

Pick up a copy now!